Shortly after we began spending time together, I met Gray’s three children. Gray shares custody with his ex-wife (more on her later, believe me) so he gets them a bit more than every other weekend. This particular weekend, I’d made plans with Djinn to go play Magiquest (Infrared LARP playground extraordinaire!) and all the timing aligned so that after taking Djinn home, I’d be able to go meet the kids for a few hours before it was time for them to head back home.
I have… very little experience with children. I was my mother’s lamaze coach when I was 7 or 8 and that afforded me an intimate enough knowledge of the pregnancy and childbirth process that it is highly unlikely I will ever produce my own spawn. So I don’t spend much time around kids. I like the ones I know (Mama Elf’s children are delightful, my exes’ two children were wonderful), but I just plain don’t know that much. But I really like Gray and I really liked spending time with him… which meant getting on well with the children was a requirement. Fortunately Djinn came to my rescue with a dozen strawberry cupcakes left over from our Magiquest related revelries. I’m never too proud to resort to bribery.
After dropping Djinn off, I changed into my nicest casual dress, brushed my hair, applied a tiny bit of make-up from the Fool Proof Idiot’s Make-Up kit Djinn put together for me, and rushed off to the playground where the kids were playing. Armed with sugary goodness, I was a big hit and it wasn’t long before they were running around and demanding I go here and there to watch them play.
In the midst of this, the oldest daughter was afforded an opportunity to yell “I can see your underpants!” And as she gleefully informed the park, “They’re BLACK!”
… So that happened.